HCG (my lovely life of dieting)

February of 2009 I weighed 237 lbs... My whole life I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror and only think of bad thoughts. Going to school when I was a kid was traumatizing. I was made fun of left and right. I have always struggled with having a weight problem. In high school I was always around 190 lbs. Because I danced everyday and had lots of exercise. I also (unfortunatly) smoked. My senior year of high school I started taking a stop smoking class. I succeeded. But I can tell you my favorite thing to do was to eat when I no longer smoked. I gained 37 lbs. Last year I had a motivation of losing weight though, I had a cousin who needed a kidney and I just so happened to match. Only problem was I had to have a BMI of 35 or less. which I would need to weigh around 190 lbs. So I decided I had enough motivation to lose this weight and feel better about myself. It turns out his daughter who was also a match and wanted to have the privilege of saving her dads life (he is doing great, btw). So for not having a motivation anymore I think I did pretty well. I got down to 189 lbs. Which by then I was ecstatic. I felt so good about myself and had a new hobby, buying clothes! The only difficult thing was I got sick of dieting. I just wanted to eat what everyone else ate. So what did I do? I gained most of that weight back except for 10 pounds. That is right. I weigh 225 lbs. I do not feel good anymore. and I know have a drawer full of clothes I can't fit into. My self esteem is just as low ever. I stopped dancing, I stopped being me. I was thinking while driving on the freeway what if I got in an accident and died or was seriously hurt, I wouldn't be able to do what I love most, Dance (mainly). There is one thing that stops me from dancing. How I look. I have started HCG again and on the road back to losing weight and feeling good physically and about self esteem. Today is Day 2 and I just watched my company eat sandwich's and envied them. I have a headache and keep getting light headed. I have lost a couple pounds already. and I go to the bathroom every 2 seconds because of all the water I am drinking. I would like to keep you updated on how I'm doing. I just finally realized that I am my own motivation. I want to be healthy & fit. Not just to pick up a cute guy. but because I honestly will feel better about myself if I can get over this weakness in my life. I would rather quit smoking 1000 more times then have to keep going on diets and losing weight. I need to get it right and keep it right.