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Staci I Am.

Monday, August 23, 2010


What do you do when you most need therapy? Talk to a friend, go for a walk and think, take a nap, meditate? Being only 20 years old I have experienced many things in my life and most of them are experiences I wish I could just forget about. When I was in my 9th grade year I got into some trouble and was sentenced by the state to go to therapy. At the age of 15 I did not want to be told what I had to do and therefore was the biggest pain in the butt to my parents and my therapists. For about 2 years I was forced to talk about how I felt when I was not yet ready to. Finally I was able to stop going, which in my mind ( at the time) was the greatest moment of my life. I am still not a big person on telling people how I feel. But there came a time about a year ago that I was ready to deal with the things that happened to me as a kid, the things I experienced as a teenage, and the common worries of an adult. So, I called up my first ever therapist and she was so willing to take me back after all of the crap I put her through. I have been going for a year now and tomorrow will be my final day. I finally feel like I can work things out on my own. There are some days where all I can think about are the mistakes I've made or the mistakes others made that I was involved with. Some days I just have flashbacks of horrible memories of the experiences I've had. Sometimes I feel like giving up because of my insecurities and low self esteem. But one thing I do know is if it weren't for those things that I've gone through in my life, I would not be me. I would not be able to help someone else and relate to their problems. I honestly feel like I was meant to fall away from the church just to experience how it felt. I was meant to do drugs so I could help at least one person realize how incredibly stupid they are and it goes along with all the other stuff I choose to do. Yes sometimes I regret every single mistake I've made, but today I am grateful for the opportunities I have to help others avoid those same temptations. Therapy can have many forms such as a huge bowl of ice cream with a chocolate brownie to going for a nice long walk to think about things or in my case as a teenager I sat on my roof and took in my trees, the wind, and the never ending sky. Thank you for reading my thoughts.

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